I Wear My Heart On My Sleeve

To Spend a Day in my Shoes is to Run a Marathon
It's hard to smile on a Friday
when no matter where you turn
there is a gun to your head

I need to make one million of 'the right moves'
To make up for one big yearlong mistake

I have won marathons before
But this is an obstacle course
That is going to take some time

All I am asking is for you to see me through
Seeing this through
So maybe, baby I can see you

This is hard for you to understand
You don't quite get the things I do
And why I forgive those who done wrong to me

How can someone just give it all away
And come back
How could I just give it all away
And really expect to make this comeback

I have met so many people
And believed every word they have told me
Weekends never looked so good
May cannot come soon enough

All I am asking is for you to see me through
Seeing this through
So maybe, baby I can see you

The Truth
The truth is there is no truth to anything.
People get upset if you tell the truth and it offends them.
People get upset if you don't tell the truth.
Parents don't tell their children the truth on some things.
Some people just don't even understand the truth.
Others just can't handle the truth.

So what good is it?

For quite some time I have been working on always telling the truth. Not even smudging a story
or detail. It's hard but I think I have been doing a good job at it.

One of my weaknesses is that once I get to know someone, I believe every word they say.
I don't question any details they say to me. I take it for what it is.
My weakness is breaking relationships of any kind.

I have been reading a book called "Working with Emotional Intelligence"
My recommendation is you do the same.

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: a mixture of rhythms and melodies

To Take Time Back Is To Kill Your Past
Wake up in the morning
Remember what I told myself yesterday morning
I promised myself I would be complete
Get all my tasks done

And here it is
Another day later
7:30 AM
Just like yesterday and the day before

What I wouldn't do to go back in time
And undo the knots of tied
With the wrong ropes
And the wrong people

I would walk backwards
Oh so fast
Just to go back in time

I could run
But I wouldn't want to go back too far
To see her face, a mess and a casual wreck

With nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through
So Saturday is Jimi's annual birthday spectacular. I am excited, although I am pretty excited for every day of my life.

Sometimes I think I am crazy. I expect so much out of myself. Maybe it is not possible for me to accomplish everything I set out to do.
Maybe life is just meant to be simple and goals are nothing more than organized dreams.

I am happy though that there are some awesome people out there helping my band out in ways that I can't thank them enough.

I think I have come to the conclusion that Brand New is the best band of the 2000's.
Soooo good.

C U Soon.

Current Music: Brand New

A message from me to you
Life is great!

Make it awesome.

Current Music: The Anniversary - Sweet Marie

Hold Your Breath Girl, I'll Love You When I'm Sober
It's so late
So dark
You'll forgive me in your sleep tonight
You'll never see it coming
I swear

How could you forget it all?
You drink the alcohol but you don't understand where it leads you tonight
I'll make you promise you'll never wish for a night like this again
I can hold your head so close to the water and make you scream so loud
Make sure you never forget my name

Close your eyes darling
I'll let you beg for your next ten sins

And when I forgive you
Hold your breath because I know that for each lie
Is another night that you wish I was in your bed

Have you ever felt so close to someone in your life?
I'm sorry darling but regrets are only a waste of time when sweat is the only thing that is between you and me

One thing I remember from church
I haven't been to church in almost 6 years, but the one thing I remember is some lady making a speech about how words are like toothpaste. Once you squeeze out toothpaste, you really can't put it back. Once you say words, you can't take them back.
Made sense to me then. Makes sense to me now.

Just a little lesson on choosing your words carefully from The Dean. Thank me later.

Current Music: Dashboard Confessional

What About Friendship?
Stay
Stay
Stay with your friends tonight

When you are gone
And no one is around
Who is going to have your back tonight?

Stay
Stay
Stay with your friends tonight

We've been so close for years
And all the funny moments
Mixed with anger and tears

Just remember when no one is around
Who is going to have your back tonight?

Current Mood: shocked
Current Music: The Beach Boys

A Night to Remember
I don't think I will forget last night for the rest of my life.

I show up at a party and I am the only one who is not deaf. I was sooooo confused. They talked to me by writing on a piece of paper and they all used sign language back and forth.

Insane and intense.

I want to write a movie script about last night because it might actually be worth it.

Current Music: The Beach Boys

Inside You're a Masterpiece
When the winning turns into losing
Who do you turn to?
If I were to bet
I'd bet you're not a betting person
But if I were to bet
I'd bet you're a better person than this

because
I know who you are
I know what you want
I know what you've dealt with

Give this one more day
Give this one more week
It'll work out fine I promise

You wake up with the sun on your face
There's not a cloud in the sky
You aren't high
And you've been sober for these past two weeks

Today's gonna be the best day of your life
Today's gonna be the best day or your life
Forget about yesterday
Forget about April
Today's gonna be the best day of your life

Current Mood: happy

Petting a snake is lame
Yesterday I bought the new The High Court cd. I am happy with my selection. Next time I am getting Hot Rod Circuit's new disc.

Last night I saw a lot of awesome friends I hadn't seen in awhile. Saw The Spacepimps and Nothing Unexpected. Hung out with Lisa Klingensmith aka LisaFox as I have always known her. She is moving to Nashville, crazyness.

Did the late night Kings food with some awesome people from the past, kinda like old times playing shows and then going out to eat afterwards.

I also happened to be in sharpsburg when it flooded this week, holy fuck, I have never actually seen a flood and it was fucking insane. Seriously, fucking insane.

I bought myself a sweet acoustic guitar this week. I am very happy about this acquisition.

Current Music: Hot Rod Circuit - Stateside

Goodbye Victory Lane house
So the past 3 days I have spent moving out of the Victory Lane house. It was a good idea for us to live there and on other circumstances, maybe not such a good idea. I will miss living there, but I believe everyone will be happier not living together and seeing each other so much.
I moved to The Polo Club in Moon, right across the river from Sewickley, so not too far from where I was. I am really exhausted from all the moving and cleaning. I really want to go swimming in one of the swimming pools here. Maybe I can do that this weekend. It is quite the scorcher out there today. I haven't really shaved in 3 days either so I kind of have the beard thing going on.
The week has flown by. I went out to Privelege and then to Krobar Saturday. My friend Melanie was doing some runway thing at Privelege and that is why I made a short appearance there before returning to my usual spot.

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Brand New

It's Time to Say Goodbye
How hard is it to see
That with every drink you take
You become the enemy

Keep telling yourself that each bottle of whiskey
Will bring you closer to happiness
But we all know the truth

You're a liar
And you're lying to yourself underneath it all
But if you don't think about it
It's really not that bad

Just wait until tomorrow morning
The liquor won't taste as sweet
As it burns the sins out of your throat

You'll wake up tomorrow a new man
With a new meaning and a new plan
It's okay, today is the last day
Is the promise you keep to yourself

Your eyes open and the sun is on your face
Again... to the sound of a silent alarm
It doesn't hit you that you'll never wake up
And see that reality passed you by years ago

Now it's too late as you lay in this hospital bed
Knowing that the end is near
That this is it
That everything you've waited for has come down to this

A numb body and a mute mouth
You watch everyone around you
If only you could go back in time
And put down every bottle you ever touched

Put the money back in your pocket
And celebrated what you really had all along
You had it all and now it's too late
It's time to say goodbye

You're life will be remembered
For everything you left unsaid
To those around you
A life of loss and sadness

Just realized that you won't wake up tomorrow a new man
With a new meaning and a new plan
It's okay now you know, today is the last day
To keep a promise to yourself

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: The Wallflowers

Late Night Serenades
She walks me to the door
Just so I can tell her goodnight
I tell myself all I want to do is give her a quick kiss and leave
I can't give in
This girl is not good for me
In the darkness of a four thirty AM skyline
She pulls me ever so close to her
I know if I look into her eyes I'll give in
As our lips touch I try to pull away
But we both know its too late
She has me where she wants me
As our bodies collide after such a late night of almost awkward conversation
I finally get the nerve to push this girl away

The longest drives home always end with me almost falling asleep
at the wheel

Current Music: The High Court

How to lose a friend in one night
I say hello and ask how are you
These simple words to someone
Who invests much time in friendship

You say hello back and take a drink
The alcohol hits your lips
Like morphine to your mind

Our conversation runs so deep
Here at this bar in the middle
Of nowhere although everyone is here

If I knew now what I knew then
I would understand
How to lose a friend in one night
If I knew you then how I knew you now
I would understand
How to lose a friend in one night

I'll take the blame for this
It is what I do oh so well
Hold your lips tight together darling

Don't say a word
Just realize that when
The sun comes up tomorrow

I'll forget your name
And the words that fell out of your mouth
and onto the floor for everyone to read

If I knew now what I knew then
I would understand
How to lose a friend in one night
If I knew you then how I knew you now
I would understand
How to lose a friend in one night

Current Music: The Smashing Pumpkins

Shake That Ass Girl
I got my hair cut yesterday. It was great.
I saw my family.
I ate turkey burgers there. I love them. They were great.

I am listening to Oasis right now.

Friday I went to a party in the Fox Chapel area. It was pretty swell. I wasn't there too long.

Saturday some of the VL's and some of the crew went to see Punchline in Charleroi. It was a swell experience. Saw a lot of awesome faces there.

Ran at the YMCA this morning. I am pretty sure since I have been going there, no one has ran faster than me. Well this morning, I met my match with a girl who was going stride for stride with me. It was pretty intense.

Sayonara tiger.

Current Music: Oasis

Zoot Suit Riot
I need a hair cut. I swear I get my hair cut every 3 weeks now.
It is long.

I am listening to Permanent Me right now. I didn't see them in Pittsburgh last night because apparently I am a liar.

Today my name is David Aames from Vanilla Sky aka one of the best movies ever.

For some reason my laptop has like 2 second clips that randomly come out once in awhile.
My laptop will be just sitting there and all of a sudden you hear Justin Timberlake sing Dirtypop. My computer actually just yelled yippee. It is crazy.

That's all for now.

Current Music: Permanent Me

There's More to Money Than Life and Success
So I have been pretty much staying at home still pretty weak as hell. I have a lot of energy in the morning but I wear out as the day goes on. It sucks, but I make the most of it. Sort of?

I have been listening to The Starting Line's new song Island. You should too. It is very good.

Catch you on the flip side.

Current Music: Victory Lane - The Character

Lights camera action
Just got in, Timko, Patrick Dee, and I went to see The Morning Light in Pittsburgh tonight, they had a show here on their tour. They sounded good.
Timko drove his new jeep. There was some intense road rage on the way back with some guy in a bmw. Some crazy four letter words were exchanged between Timko and the mysterious man in the bmw.
I drank a Fuze Mango fruit drink. I had one at our show the other night so I decided to have one tonight. For some reason, I didn't like it as much when I found out there was skim milk in it. It wasn't as much juice as I had hoped. Only 5%. I don't recommend this drink now.

My energy has been increasing a lot. Today is the closest I have felt to be normal.
Tomorrow I think I might hit the back to normal mark. I am excited for that.

I went to the library today and got a library card as well. However, they didn't have any of the stuff I went there for. I did most of my work out too.

Tomorrow should be crazy, back to reality. Chyeah.

Listen to Motion City Soundtrack or The Get Up Kids.
Or both.

Current Music: The Get Up Kids

Home
We got home @ 2 am yesterday.
Nice twelve hour drive.
I am not supposed to leave the house until tomorrow.
I am growing a beard until then. Maybe I will post some pics of it. I have never had one. It is kinda funny.
I am extremely weak, it takes most of my energy to come down from the 2nd floor down to the main floor or the basement.
I really dislike not doing anything, I usually have to be doing a lot.

Watched some of one of my favorite movies ever yesterday, Vanilla Sky.
Go watch it.

~The Dean

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